


Bad Dreams

by ChiisaChan



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Best boyfriend Changkyun, Established Relationship, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, changki rise, soft kihyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 11:00:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16428101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiisaChan/pseuds/ChiisaChan
Summary: “Sometimes you just break up for silly things like my food wasn't tasty or I did something embarrassing on stage, but on different days you break up because you fell in love with a girl… Or another boy…. Or you tell me that you're just tired of me… Whatever it is, it always felt so real and even though I know they're just dreams… It hurts…”





	Bad Dreams

There were these special but random days in Changkyun's and Kihyun's life that the maknae couldn't really explain to himself. 

They were currently sleeping together in one bed, actually - except for a few rare instances - the only moments where Kihyun allowed the others to see their relationship. Although everybody knew it and nobody had anything against it, Kihyun kept trying to not show it in front of the other members, worried it would make them feel uncomfortable. 

Changkyun laid on his right side with his head resting on his arm and Kihyun nuzzled against his chest. His left arm draped lazily above the older's hips. 

They slept peacefully, until the sound of their alarm clock tore Changkyun out of his deep sleep. Instantly annoyed from the loud sound he knew too well, he started to whine internaly and complaining why he already had to wake up. Actually, he knew why. 

As everybody knows, Kihyun was always the first one to get up and wake the others after he got himself ready in the bathroom. 

Because of that, after they both became a couple, Kihyun refused to sleep together in one bed. He didn't want to wake his boyfriend earlier than necessary every morning. 

But Changkyun wasn't happy with that, so he promised Kihyun that he would love to get up earlier together with him if that meant they could sleep together. The older refused that idea at first but when Changkyun insisted on it, he started to take it for granted that the younger would get up with him. 

So one day, when the younger dared to whine after the alarm rang and begged to sleep a little bit longer, Kihyun - with his hot temper and simply the strict person he was - got angry. 

Of course he didn't show it at first, but when Changkyun started to notice how cold Kihyun acted towards him, he asked what happened and the older just clarified that he will sleep alone again. Changkyun never learnt a lesson so fast. Luckily he could convince his boyfriend that it won't happen again.

It's not like Kihyun didn't like to sleep and cuddle with Changkyun, it's just the fact that his morning routine was important for the whole group and he couldn't allow his relationship to endanger that. 

Back in here and now, when Kihyun shuffled around and turned the alarm off, Changkyun quickly raised his upper body and mumbled a tired “I'm up! I'm up…,” while he tiredly rubbed his eyes. 

Before he knew what happened, he got pushed down again and Kihyun laid his head on Changkyun's shoulder, one arm above his stomach and interlaced their legs. The younger was practically trapped in his boyfriend's arms. 

“Not yet,” Kihyun whispered and Changkyun instantly knew that today, was one of those special days. 

One of those days where Kihyun was extremely needy and clingy. 

He couldn't bite back his growing smile while he pressed a soft kiss to Kihyun's head, wrapping his arms around the warm body pressed onto him and carefully caressed Kihyun's hair. He loved these days so much, loved how he was trapped right now and was already excited for the rest of the day.

On these days Kihyun acted like a little pouty kid when he didn't get enough attention from Changkyun, and god, this was so adorable in the maknae’s eyes. But aside from how precious these days were for him, the question of what led Kihyun to be like this didn't leave his mind. 

He hadn’t asked for the reason until now because he was sure that this side of Kihyun was timid as a fawn. If he would ask about it, Kihyun would probably never do it again, embarrassed about losing his principles to expose his weak and needy side.

Kihyun liked to look like one of these tough guys who can achieve everything by himself without the need of anyone comforting him. But of course, he needed someone in his life like everyone else does and he needed Changkyun to be exact. He just refused to admit that because he thought it would make him look weak and vulnerable. 

Gladly, Changkyun didn't complain about it and accepted or rather loved Kihyun the way he was. 

After half an hour their alarm clock sounded once again and this time, they really had to get up. Kihyun growled annoyed while Changkyun just chuckled fondly. 

The older let go of his boyfriend in such a timid way, that Changkyun actually wanted to coo at him. Of course he subdued that wish the second it popped up. 

Without any words, Kihyun grabbed Changkyun's hand, forced him to stand up as well and didn't let go of it until they arrived the bathroom. He needed both hands there to get the toothpaste on the toothbrush. 

Usually they stood simply side by side in front of the mirror when they got themselves ready, but not on these special days. Kihyun moved back a little so he was behind Changkyun. He wanted to hug and cuddle the younger from behind, but the toothbrush in his mouth and the need to brush his teeth with it made it difficult. Instead he turned and eventually leaned with his back against the younger one's, interlacing their free hands again.

Changkyun couldn't be happier in that moment. To be needed and loved by his boyfriend just felt as good as floating. 

When they had to part again to wash their faces, style their hair and what else was needed, Kihyun always made sure that they were somehow in touch with each other, even though sometimes it was just their hips brushing against each other's. 

Changkyun would love it to take the day off and just cuddle with Kihyun all day long, but sadly that wasn't possible. A big photoshoot decorated their schedule.

On their way there, to be exact, the moment they stepped into the car, the next surprise waited for Changkyun, although he already expected it. 

Usually Kihyun didn't sit beside Changkyun because he didn't trust their driver. He was scared that he would tell someone something about them. Kihyun was always especially careful when they were outside their dorm. 

Changkyun sat down in his usual place, the window seat in the last row and Minhyuk casually took the seat right beside him. The maknae bit the inner side of his cheek when he had to smirk at how Kihyun just needed a single glance to shoo Minhyuk away. 

But now the bigger surprise came, something Kihyun hadn't even done on one of the other special days. Before he sat down, he took his jacket off and threw it over his own and Changkyun's lap after he sat. Beneath it, he intertwined his fingers once again with the younger one's, hidden so that nobody could see it. 

Kihyun even laid his head on Changkyun's shoulder, again something he had never done before even though every member does that to another when they're tired. 

Changkyun's whole body prickled out of excitement and he wanted nothing more as to lavish Kihyun with kisses all over and squeeze him until breathing was impossible, but he had to hold back.

He placed his free hand, balled into a fist, in front of his mouth, maybe bit it a little while he squeezed Kihyun's hand with his other. He did his best to scrutinize everything he could find through the window to distract himself from the adorableness sitting beside him and the craving it caused. 

Somewhere on their way, Changkyun noticed that Kihyun actually fell asleep, which was weird for him. Being the responsible one in their group he usually stayed awake in the car. Hadn't he gotten enough sleep last night? He decided to ask him later. For now, Changkyun just enjoyed the view he had while he fondly brushed his thumb over the back of Kihyun's hand. 

He got a little bit sad thinking that he had to let go of it soon when they arrived. But to know he would be cuddled into heaven as soon as they would be back at their dorm - because Kihyun had to hold back the whole day - cheered him up. 

To his surprise, Kihyun didn't really hold back. His eyes were glued on Changkyun the whole time and whenever he got a chance, he went to sit or stand beside him. He kept having his hands on the maknae's shoulders or knee, even though they were surrounded by a lot of people. 

Kihyun actually didn't seem like his real self. He had always put so much effort into the case that nobody would get the slightest assumption of them being a couple, but it looked like he throw it all over now. 

When one of the staff members - a cute and beautiful girl - came to Changkyun to compliment his rap, Kihyun approached them quickly, wrapped an arm around the younger's shoulders and answered to everything the girl said. He didn't let Changkyun say a single word. Everything shouted possessiveness.

Kihyun kept touching his boyfriend so obviously while he talked with the girl. He even caressed Changkyun's cheek at some point of the conversation where they showered him with compliments. The whole situation was really weird in Changkyun's eyes and it felt awkward.

Not that he minded it for real, it actually felt great that his boyfriend was so possessive, but it was also dangerous. The problem was, he just couldn't tell Kihyun to stop, he loved it too much to do so, so he just hoped that nobody would sense the older's real intentions. 

~

Of course it had to come like it always does. Back in the dorm, unlike the other members, the one who never can shut his mouth - aka Minhyuk - decided to not connive about it. 

Changkyun and Kihyun parted for a moment so the younger could take a shower while the older one already started to prepare dinner. When Changkyun finished and headed back to the kitchen, slowly reaching it, he heard the two talking. 

“What was wrong with you today?” Minhyuk asked and Changkyun stopped in his tracks before he reached the door, confused for a moment but curious what Kihyun would answer. 

“There's nothing wrong with me. Why are you suddenly asking me that?” Kihyun replied back quickly as he felt his nervousness creeping up inside of him, but acted cool and continued to chop the vegetables. 

“Well, the whole day you were clinging onto Changkyun like a little baby...”

“I wasn't!” Kihyun interrupted Minhyuk from saying anything more, but the older just chuckled. 

“You were! It couldn't have been more obvious!” he said amused. 

Kihyun furiously - and maybe a little bit embarrassed - laid the knife down with a loud thud. He was well aware that he didn't behave in the right way today but he didn't want anyone to tell him that. “If you don't stop, I will mix cucumber in your food,” he threatened.

Changkyun gulped nervously, clearly feeling the tense air in the kitchen. Should he go inside and try to calm them or should he just leave? He didn't know. 

Before he could decide, Minhyuk already spoke again, “Oh my god, why so sensitive? Do we have our period today?”

Minhyuk laughed, thinking of it as a good joke but Kihyun thought otherwise. Did he really ask him if he had his period? Comparing him to a weak girl? Do the others who saw him today think the same? 

Enough was enough, Kihyun pulled his apron off and smashed it into Minhyuk's face, ready to tell him to cook by himself but before he could, he saw how Changkyun entered the room and his eyes grew wide for a moment. 

Changkyun approached Minhyuk first who was still startled from Kihyun's move, gave soft pats on his hyung's shoulder and growled, “Leave or I will kick you out personally.” 

It looked like Kihyun wasn't the only one who didn't find Minhyuk's joke funny and he blushed a little by hearing how Changkyun protected him, but decided to quickly forget that, turn around again and continue to chop the vegetables. 

Minhyuk couldn't believe how the maknae had talked to him but he lost interest in hanging around there anyway, so after he gave Changkyun a little push he left while mumbling, “You two are no fun.” 

After Minhyuk was gone and they were alone, Changkyun approached Kihyun, who wasn't treating the vegetables really well right now. He stood behind him and just called out his name, “Kihyun…” in the attempt to get his attention. 

But the older just hummed slightly in response, not willing to turn around or talk. Changkyun tried it again, closing the distance so his chest was pressed against the older's back and his hand reaching for Kihyun's that tightly held onto the knife.

He actually stopped chopping when he felt Changkyun's hand laid above his, and when he heard the younger whisper “Talk to me Kihyun,” he let go of the knife and turned around, which caused Changkyun to take a step back. 

Kihyun crossed his arms in front of his chest while he eyed the worried glance of his boyfriend, pondering if he should tell him or not. Should he really provide more corroding surface than he already had? 

Changkyun waited patiently for Kihyun to open up to him, creased one eyebrow in curiosity and started to lovingly caress the older's upper arms. 

That gesture helped Kihyun to relax a little and feel safe in the presence of Changkyun. He thought that it would be okay to show the maknae his weak side from time to time, after all he was his boyfriend. 

He let out the fury inside him with a deep sigh, uncrossed his arms and then shuffled awkwardly in his place, preparing himself to tell Changkyun about his problem. 

He looked down to his hand that nervously fumbled with the hem of his shirt when he finally started, “I… I have these dreams…” 

“Dreams?” Changkyun repeated to show him that he was listening and signaled to him to continue. He grabbed Kihyun's hands to encourage him and give him some comfort. 

Kihyun nodded and squeezed Changkyun's hands, before he looked up into his eyes again and even smiled a little bit, “Dreams of us, they always start with a scene that shows how happy we are.” 

Changkyun smiled back but frowned the second after he saw how Kihyun's view dropped together with his smile. He could tell Kihyun had a hard time by how he was chewing on his bottom lip. Changkyun started to worry really badly as he had never seen Kihyun in such a state. But all he could do was to be patient and listen.

Thinking of what he had to say now and what he had to think about, Kihyun felt how his eyes got teary. He took his time to prevent any tears from falling because that wasn't necessary and absurd. To top it off, those were just dreams. His mind knew it but his aching heart refused to understand it. 

After a little pause he finally continued, “They're happy at first, but they always end up with you… b-breaking up with me…” A shaky breath left Kihyun's lungs after those words left his lips and a tear actually managed to escape. He quickly freed one hand to wipe it away. 

Changkyun's chin fell and he frowned even more, pain clearly written in his features because his love was so hurt, and it hurt him as well to see him like this. He was shocked and outraged at the same time. How could Kihyun's mind dare to show him something like that? 

He guided Kihyun's hands around his own waist, signaling him to hold onto him before he let go of them just to encircle his own arms around Kihyun's back, pulling him tightly into his embrace. 

He wanted to say something but before he could, Kihyun clutched Changkyun's shirt and continued, “Sometimes you just break up for silly things like my food wasn't tasty or I did something embarrassing on stage, but on different days you break up because you fell in love with a girl… Or another boy…. Or you tell me that you're just tired of me… Whatever it is, it always felt so real and even though I know they're just dreams… It hurts…”

“Why haven't you told me about these dreams earlier?” Changkyun asked while he parted a little to cup Kihyun's cheeks with his hands. 

Kihyun quietly answered “I don't know, ” when he looked into Changkyun's deep brown eyes. For a moment, the younger just stared back, seeing clearly how those dreams strained Kihyun. Even though it wasn't fair or right and it really hurt him as well, he couldn't deny that somewhere inside of him, he felt happiness.

That he had such a huge impact on the strict boy that a simple dream made him forget all his rules and effort. It was such an incredible feeling. 

Changkyun just smiled and started to fondly kiss Kihyun's forehead, then his nose, after that both cheeks and finally his lips. In between he whispered, “God, you have no idea how much I love you right?” 

Kihyun's cheeks turned slightly pink as he closed his eyes and melted in his boyfriend's arms. He clutched Changkyun's sides to get some hold and did his best to reciprocate the kiss as affectionately as possible. 

When their lips parted, they stared at each other again, their eyes filled with all the love they felt for each other, while Changkyun brushed Kihyun's cheeks with his thumbs. 

“Listen Kihyun, I will never leave you okay? Not if you don't want me to do it. And even if you want it someday, I probably won't listen and won't let you go.”

The corners of Kihyun's lips finally wandered up again and he leaned forward, nuzzling his face into Changkyun's neck and the younger's hands wandered to the back of his head. 

“I know that they're just dreams…that you love me and would never leave me like that...you wouldn't survive it anyway...” Kihyun joked and Changkyun let out a small chuckle before he said, ”Here and now, I give you the permission to kill me if I will ever do something so dumb. Life wouldn't be worth it anymore anyway. But I promise that it will never happen.”

"Good," Kihyun answered and both of them just enjoyed the moment for a few seconds smiling happily like idiots, before Changkyun's hands wandered down to Kihyun's shoulders and he shoved him slightly away once again, just to be able to look at his eyes.

“I have an idea Kihyun. Because, even though you tell me that you know how much I love you, it looks like it didn't reach your whole mind and that's why you have those dreams.”

Kihyun's smile turned into a curious glance as he looked at Changkyun, waiting for him to continue. 

And so he did, “I have something as proof…something that will show you my love. But it isn't here at the dorm. I can go and bring it while you cook dinner.”

Kihyun looked down and thought about it for a moment. It did sound like a great idea and of course he wanted to see what that would be, but right now they had such a beautiful moment that he didn't want it to end and be left alone. His grip on Changkyun's sides tightened and he didn't need to say anything more. 

“Or I help you with cooking and we go together after dinner,” Changkyun suggested as if he could read Kihyun's thoughts. The older looked up again with a bright smile on his lips, nodded eagerly and pecked Changkyun's lips as a silent thank you for understanding him so well. 

The younger giggled happily and then parted to get them both an apron, “Alright, let's get it started.”

~

Even though Kihyun was the one who decided that they would go after dinner, he couldn't stop to be curious about what the proof would be. So he kept trying to persuade Changkyun to tell him. 

It turned out into a really sweet discussion and they didn't even stop with it while they were on the dining table with the other members around them. Actually, it looked like Kihyun completely forgot their presence. 

He and Changkyun sat side by side, Kihyun's right leg dangled comfortably over his boyfriend's left leg while Changkyun's hand rested on his knee, and from time to time he caressed the older's leg a little. 

In between the chopsticks full of food they stuffed into their mouths, Kihyun kept begging, “Come on, tell me or at least give me a hint!” 

Changkyun grinned cheekily, “Hyung, you don't need a hint, you just have to finish eating and then you can see it.” Kihyun looked down at his bowl of ramen, seriously regretting that he put so much inside it and then started to wolf it down as fast as possible. 

“Not so fast babe or you will choke on it,” Changkyun said with a chuckle and started to caress his boyfriend's back. But Kihyun didn't listen and just continued.

The other boys watched them silently with a smile on their lips. If you asked them they would never admit it and say it's disgusting, but they actually liked to see these two so close, so happy and in love. Especially to see Kihyun like this, since he never allowed himself to show them this side of him.

“I'm curious, what are you two talking about?” Wonho eventually asked. Kihyun didn't react, just continued to eat but he got Changkyun's attention, “Nothing special, I just have a little surprise for Kihyun-hyung.”

In that moment Kihyun actually choked and Changkyun reacted fast, throbbed with a flat hand on the older's back between his shoulder blades in the attempt to help him. 

Kihyun coughed a few times and Shownu reached him a napkin to wipe his mouth. After he was through it, he shoved his bowl over to Wonho and turned to Changkyun again, “I'm ready, let's go!” 

The maknae rolled his eyes at that and then tilted his own bowl to show Kihyun the content, “But I'm not done yet.” 

By seeing that, Kihyun pouted and whined like an impatient little kid. The other boys stopped chewing and their eyes widened in surprise while Changkyun grinned fondly, laid his chopsticks aside and shoved his bowl over to Wonho as well. 

“I'm kidding, I'm also done,” he said and Kihyun's pout broke into a beaming smile. Changkyun grabbed his hand and they both stood up. 

“Where are you going?” Jooheon asked, getting the boys' attention for a second before Kihyun turned to Changkyun again and repeated the question, “Yeah, where are we going?”

“To my studio,” he answered them and pulled Kihyun to the entrance. While they put their shoes and jackets on, the older dared to ask  
“You won't be so cliché and show me that you wrote a song for me, right?”

Changkyun stopped his movement for a second and shot Kihyun an offended glance, then pretended to remove his jacket and mumbled, “Maybe we should forget that and stay here.”

Kihyun's eyes and mouth opened in shock. It just should have been a joke but it looked like he hit the bullseye and he quickly regretted what he had said. Panicking he waved his hands in front of Changkyun to imply that he haven't meant it like that and stuttered, “N-No, please no! It wasn't supposed to...it was just a joke! Please, I would actually love it if that's the surprise!” 

After a few seconds of seeing his boyfriend struggling, Changkyun started to laugh and stroked Kihyun's head to calm him down, “Relax babe, I was just kidding with you.” 

Kihyun blushed a little and expressed his embarrassment and anger by punching the younger's shoulder and shouting, “Idiot!” 

Even though Changkyun grimaced at the impact of the punch, his smile came back quickly and when Kihyun had his shoes on, he reached for the older's cheek, closed the distance between them and pecked his lips lovingly, after mumbling a quiet, “I'm sorry."

They just smiled at each other after they parted, intertwining their hands and left the dorm. 

Down on the street Changkyun quickly hailed a cab. His studio wasn't far away and they actually could have walked, but regarding how late it already was, it was safer to drive there. Besides, they could keep on holding hands in the darkness of the backseat. 

After a few minutes they entered his studio and undressed again. Changkyun ordered Kihyun to sit on his couch while he turned his pc on for some background music and dimmed the light to feel more comfortable.

“Come oooon, show me now~” Kihyun whined again, getting more and more impatient with each passing second. Changkyun simply chuckled, not getting over how cute his boyfriend was when he walked over to his bookshelf and pulled a black box out of the bottom shelf. 

He sat down beside Kihyun who eyed him inquisitively and waited for Changkyun to say something while the latter placed the box on his lap. Changkyun caressed it with one hand and scratched his neck with the other, planning on what to say now. After he had chosen his words, he started.

“You know… You're the first and only person who will ever see this… I originally planned to never show it someone, that's why I'm hiding it here in my studio. I didn't want anyone of you to find it… I even pondered if I should burn it,” he laughed nervously.

Kihyun's eyes got bigger and his heart raced. He wanted to know what was inside that box but as he sat listening patiently to Changkyun's words, he knew that it was something that meant a lot to his boyfriend, and he kept quiet and just waited. 

Changkyun continued, “… I didn't think about it before but doing it now… I'm a little bit scared.” He finally looked over to Kihyun while he bit his bottom lip, “What's inside here could change the way you think about me, the way you look at me…”

This time it was Kihyun who grabbed Changkyun's hand and squeezed it, “Nothing could change the way I see you but if you don't feel comfortable with it, you don't need to show me.”

Of course Kihyun died to know what was inside there and hoped Changkyun wouldn't listen to him but if he did, he would respect that. 

The younger smiled bright, lifted Kihyun's hand and placed a soft kiss at the back of it, then placed the box on the older's lap and shuffled a little on the couch to sit down behind Kihyun, laid his chin on his lover's shoulder and hugged him from behind. “I trust you Kihyun and I want you to see it, I want you to know everything about me, so open it.”

Kihyun nodded in response and did as he was told, opening it quickly to find a bunch of books inside it, each a different color. He tilted his head and looked a while at them in confusion until Changkyun told him to take the black one first. There wasn't anything on the cover and taking a closer look, they all looked more like notebooks. 

He opened it to see the first side and then he finally recognized what kind of books they were. He turned a little to look at Changkyun and asked, “You keep a diary?”

The younger acknowledged it with a “Mhm,” and grabbed the book, taking it out of Kihyun's hands and flicked through it to find the right page.

“Since I wanted to become a songwriter I thought it would be good to write my thoughts and feelings and everything I experienced down somewhere.”

Kihyun nodded understanding and waited until then younger found the right page. When he did, Changkyun handed it to the older again with the words, “From here on you can see the proof for my feelings.”

Kihyun stared at it for a few seconds, startled, and then laid the box and the book down at the ground. He distanced himself a little and turned to have a proper look at Changkyun. His brows creased in surprise and disbelief when he asked “You're really going to let me read your diary entries?”

Changkyun smiled bright, chuckled again and answered with a confident “Yes!”

Kihyun felt so much warmth and happiness spreading through his chest that he couldn't do anything else than to reach forward and circle his arms around Changkyun's neck and then to squeeze him until they couldn't breathe anymore.

The fact that his boyfriend loved and trusted him so much felt simply incredible. 

Changkyun squeezed Kihyun as well until he began to pat the older's shoulder as a sign that they need to breathe again. Kihyun let go of him for a second just to press his lips against the others. 

They exchanged a few soft and innocent kisses until the curiosity came back and Kihyun let go of Changkyun and turned back to the books, picking up the black one again. He leaned against his boyfriend's chest who encircled his arms around the older's waist and began to study the page Changkyun opened before. 

_Dear diary,_

__

__

_Today I saw something that threw me completely out of track. Or rather - I heard something. When I was walking through the company's building I heard someone singing - which actually isn't something special in such a company, I hear people singing everyday. But this time was somehow different. I instantly got goosebumps all over the second I heard it. Not because it was bad! It’s the opposite. It was so… I don't know the right words to describe it. Note to myself: I should work on that. Anyway, it was sincerely incredible. Almost magical. I wanted to see who it was and followed the voice to the room it was coming from, but when I wanted to open the door Jonguk-Hyung came and pulled me away because we were late for dance practice. What a shame. I want to know so badly who the owner of this voice is. I think it's a guy and I hope he will debut soon so I can hear more from him._

“You're kidding me right?” Kihyun asked, stunned. “You don't want to tell me that-” 

“Scroll forward to December 10th,” Changkyun answered and Kihyun did as he was told.

_Dear diary,_

__

__

_I know who it is! I know who's the guy with that magical angel-like voice that refuses to disappear out of my head! His name is Yoo Kihyun. He's one of twelve trainees from No Mercy, the survival show starship produced. The first episode aired today and I could hear him there! Just for a few seconds but it was enough for me to recognize his voice. And I have to admit that his voice isn't the only beautiful thing on him...what am I writing oh god._

Kihyun closed the book and stood up, walked a few steps before he turned to see his boyfriend's confused glance. He glared at Changkyun, pointed with the hand that held the book at him and repeated that gesture a few times before he finally spoke, “You want to tell me that you started crushing at me even before I knew you?”

Changkyun gulped and hesitated with his answer, unsure of what was going on right now. He nervously rubbed his hands on his knees as he stuttered, “Y-Yeah..? I think so…” 

For a few moments they just stared at each other until Kihyun tore his eyes away from Changkyun and looked at the book in his hand. Still not saying anything. 

“W-What is wrong…?” Changkyun asked carefully, panicking internally and scrutinized if all this really was a good idea.

Kihyun looked up at the younger again, crossed his arms in front of his chest before he countered, “How long have we been together now?”

Changkyun frowned and tilted his head slightly, still not understanding anything when he answered, “Almost 8 months, why?”

“Yeah, almost 8 months. And you just told me that you had feelings for me since,“ he stopped in his sentence to open the book again and take a look at the date from the page Changkyun opened first.

“Since the end of 2014?!” 

Changkyun quirked a brow, looked up to the railing and thought for a moment while he bit his bottom lip. His hand reached up to rub the back of his neck when he answered, “Kinda…looks like it, yeah.”

“Aish!” was what left his mouth next while he dodged the black book that flew in his direction. “You really like to throw things huh?” 

“Idiot!” Kihyun shouted and ignored Changkyun's last sentence, turned and walked away from his boyfriend. He sat down in front of the computer, the only space he could currently run away to. The big backrest was perfect to hide from Changkyun. 

But of course the latter wasn't consenting with that and quickly approached Kihyun. He grabbed the backrest and tried to turn the chair around while the older grabbed the desk and tried his best to stay in that position. 

A little fight started that Changkyun actually won easily. Offended, Kihyun crossed his arms again and his eyes glued to the ground, trying to avoid the fact that he had to face his boyfriend again. 

Changkyun chuckled amused and knelt down in front of Kihyun, his hands wandered to the older's hips to hold him in place. 

With Kihyun's view directed to the side now, Changkyun started to talk, “Come on Ki, why are you angry?” 

The latter sighed in defeat and unclenched his arms, let them rest on his lap while he finally looked at his lover's loving eyes. “I'm not angry…I just…don't know,” Kihyun finally said.

Changkyun grinned at his boyfriend, grabbed his hands and caressed them softly, “You know, unfortunately I can't read your thoughts babe.”

Kihyun squeezed the younger one's hands and continued, “Since the end of 2014… Kyunnie, that's already two and a half years ago! Why didn't you confess earlier?”

Changkyun's grin faded when he saw the sadness his boyfriend's eyes suddenly held. It startled him somehow, he didn't expect such a question to come. Unsure of how to answer he took his time to stare at Kihyun and study the unfamiliar expression he had. 

After a while he replied, “There are many reasons why…it actually took me quite some time to realize that I had a crush on you. At first I thought it was just adoration… and when I found out that it wasn't just that, I had to accept that I was gay. I didn't know it until then.”

Kihyun frowned a little while he listened carefully and remembered how hard it was for him to realize and accept that he liked boys. 

“After we debuted we had to focus on being successful for our group to survive. For quite a while I thought it was just a slight crush and tried to get past these feelings because it would be bad for us. It was forbidden for us to date someone anyway and I thought these feelings would just lead to trouble in our group.”

Kihyun could understand that as well. He had the same thoughts in the progress of falling in love with Changkyun. 

“But you did everything possible to not let me forget them and without knowing, I fell for you deeper and deeper each day,” Changkyun smiled again when he said those words and pecked Kihyun's hands affectionately. The older inevitably had to smile as well.

“At some point I simply had enough of all these fights with myself and decided to accept my feelings and to take action. I knew back then that you just saw me as the “cute” maknae, like a little brother. So I worked hard to change that and make you fall in love with me. It actually took quite some time.”

Changkyun chuckled at that memories while Kihyun's smile beamed more and more. After a few seconds he chuckled as well. “I still don't know how you managed to do that. To make me fall so deep for you. I mean, look at me! I'm crying over silly dreams like an idiot! We're talking about me, Changkyun!!”

Both of them laughed at that statement and when they calmed down again, Changkyun said, “I'm really sorry that you had those dreams but at the same time I can't get over how cute that is! YOU...are so unbelievably cute!”

Kihyun blushed and his view dropped from Changkyun's sparkling eyes to their locked hands. He played a little with the younger's fingers before he made a confession, “Actually, - please don't tell it anyone and never mention it again, - I like it when you call me cute…I like to be cute for you…” 

Kihyun's blush got even deeper at that and Changkyun once again felt like the happiest man alive. 

“God, so embarrassing! See what you turned me into!” Kihyun nagged and turned his head to the side in the attempt to hide and maybe search for a way to escape from there. 

Changkyun, who was still kneeling at the ground in front of Kihyun, laughed. He smiled so much that his features already started to hurt and not knowing what to do with his happiness, he buried his face in Kihyun's hands and lap. 

“What are you doing?” the latter asked after he turned back surprised, even chuckling a little. 

“I don't know what I'm doing! I'm too happy!” Changkyun shouted into the older's lap, which made him laugh even more.

Kihyun managed to free his thumbs and caress his lover's temples with it. He enjoyed that precious moment for a while, until he remembered what they were talking about before he started joking. His smile faded a little and an unpleasant feeling tried to disperse his happiness. 

“When…maybe...if you had confessed earlier, maybe I would have fallen in love with you earlier and we could have been happy like this already a long time ago…” Kihyun hesitantly shared his thoughts. 

Changkyun looked up again, frowned confused at the sad facial expression his boyfriend had. What was it that Kihyun wanted to tell him with these words? Does he want him to apologize? 

“Maybe then you wouldn't have had to suffer with that one-sided feeling for so long…I mean…all the things I said and did…everything I haven't done…it must have been so painful,“ Kihyun added before he could say anything. 

And then Changkyun understood. He smiled fondly at Kihyun and pulled at the older one's hands so he would slide down from the chair and land in his arms. 

Kihyun was surprised at first but decided to let it happen. He straddled Changkyun's lap and encircled his neck with his arms, resting his head on the younger's shoulder and squeezed him as tight as possible. Changkyun's arms around his back did the same. 

“Don't worry about that Kihyun. Everything was forgotten the moment you said you loved me too,” Changkyun whispered in his lover's ear and pecked it after. 

“B-But…” Kihyun started but wasn't sure what exactly he wanted to say. He had this warm bubbling happiness inside his chest but his mind didn't want to stop thinking.

Thankfully, Changkyun spoke again and dispersed all the negative thoughts, ”You know, I actually believe in destiny...I'm sure if I had told you earlier, we wouldn't sit here like this now. So I don't regret anything.”

Kihyun leaned back to look at Changkyun and study the facial expression he had. To study his lover's features in general while his heart throbbed like crazy. 

It was this moment where he decided that, at least when they're in the dorm, he won't care about his members anymore and shower Changkyun with love from head to toe. The latter deserved that. 

“All the suffering, the long wait and hard work definitely was worth it when I can hold you in my arms like this now and see all the love your eyes are holding for me. I would do it again immediately if it's for you. I would do everything for you,” Changkyun suddenly said while he had that reassuring smile on his lips. 

Those beautiful shaped and soft pink lips, that are just his alone, Kihyun thought and as an answer, he pressed his own lips against those of his boyfriend. His hands meanwhile wandered from Changkyun's neck to his cheeks and he caressed them tenderly while they kissed. 

They tilted their heads a little to deepen the kiss, both very well able to feel the other's happiness through it. 

It took them a while to part again, and when they did, Kihyun rested his forehead on Changkyun's. Their eyes were closed while they basked in each other's presence.

Kihyun opened them again when he heard the words, “I hope you understand now that I won't let you go so easily after I finally got you.”

He beamed again and nodded a few times before he confirmed it with a confident, “Yes, I do!”

“Good,” Changkyun said and they both chuckled for a moment. They squeezed each other one more time and Kihyun added a “Thank you,” to his words.

Kihyun never dreamt of a break up again but he did what he decided on that day. When they were in their dorm, he kept showing his clingy side and showered Changkyun with love by every chance he had. Of course the others sometimes made fun of him and teased him, but he thought it was worth it. Changkyun was worth it. His precious smile every time it happened was definitely worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello and welcome to my first story here! 
> 
> After reading so much stories with bad endings, I was in the mood for some fluff~ 
> 
> I really hope you like it!
> 
> Kudos and comments would make me really happy <3
> 
> Thank you for your time!


End file.
